Saturday, January 29, 2011

Crash and Burn.

"Success isn't a result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire."- Arnold H. Glasgow

I set myself on fire, time and time again. Risked more than others thought was safe. Loved more than others thought was wise. Dreamt more than others thought was practical. And expected more than others thought was possible. And that's where I faltered.

People speak my mind all the time. It's untrue. But I let them. Because hell, dare I risk speaking my own mind! I have a tendency to plunge into a few moments of bliss, ignorant of the fact that while infinite moments do make up eternity, the moments themselves are not eternal. 

My mind and soul need desperately to be purged of everything beautiful and ugly. Because sure those classifications were made by me. But only under the influence and pressure of another pair. My phone hasn't buzzed yet. And I'm not even waiting anymore. I'm abstaining and rehabilitating. Just not sure if it's working. 

I'd wait for a friend, no matter how long they made me wait. Wherever they made me wait. Without so much as a complaint. Because I care. Sometimes too much. Because I love. Sometimes unrequitedly. But you've lost that place now. It's commendable how persistently you kept your efforts up. It paid off, didn't it? 

Your fellow conspirer that you probably don't even know about, lives in another tangential world. I am unaware of his thoughts, feelings, and whereabouts. Or whether they even exist in the first place. Everything starts with a roll in it. Or with the favorite alphabet J. And continues in a trance. But there's a lot more he tends to share and then bottle it up and throw it far out into the sea. Maybe another forlorn traveller finds what he disposed. I sincerely hope not. 

So while he continues choosing not to choose. And reading me incorrectly. Or correctly. Whatever. And speaking for me and taking away from me whatever I could have had even for the little while it was possible. I do not know how to thank his infallible efforts to deprive me. And his sadist self... You can continue settling for everything less(er). Settle all you want. I'll find other soothsayers, with similar pronouncements, 'now you're here, now you're not.' And face them. And try not repeating the cycle all over again.

Learn from thy mistakes. Because that's just what they are. Missed-takes. I'm looking for my perfect shot. 


  1. Wandering around here after a pretty long time. Nice read. Though not a nice feel I derived from it as it carries a pinch of disdain for some random person!

  2. a perfect ending to a perfect piece.