Monday, February 7, 2011

Malice In Wonderland.

While everyone was busy falling in love. I fell in hate. Hate for myself. Disgust for the life I'd come to live. And a conscience that didn't just prick. It stabbed until I was bleeding repugnance. An abhorrent picture of someone who lost all sense of being and belonging, somewhere along the way. I feel stripped. Of every hint of ignorance I'd grown to be comfortable wearing. Of every little nuance of innocence I could once relate to. Of vesture that may not have been glamorous, but it hid me well. From jealousies, temptations, malice, abuse and dark love. Basically everything that was real. That was evil. My safeguards from all of you.

Where they once promised me relief, unbounded love, selfless protection, and an unending friendship, I'm now looked at disdainfully and done away with a shrug. And if I'm lucky, a non-committal, monosyllabic reference. Fate. To say you've been cruel... That would be an understatement. 

I'd wanted to say more. Leak more pathos. Let on a few more of my agonizing stories. But I'm just going to tell you dear friend, that you're terribly missed. I'm slowly extracting you from my core, and it's going to take time, but I'm working on it. I'm still a childish romantic. So to say that I won't be waiting anymore, would be a lie. I'm just hoping you miss me half as much as I miss you. 

This morning somebody sent me a paragraph that I'd now like to share with you. 

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” -Neil Gaiman

(Thank you Aman) :)


  1. It's unfortunate that none of the people here were moved enough by this to share their experiences. Maybe it is the stereotyped 'dark' that scares them. Anyway I identify with this, cuz I'm a dark writer myself. Even though the blog I currently own is more around the-vain-way-of-life but I'll mix my thoughts every so often. Also, cuz oddly enough I 'lost' my more literature-oriented one. :( Anyway, great read. You are followed. ;]

  2. That's great to know, thank you! (: