Thursday, December 9, 2010

Fumes Beyond the Glitter.

Sharp edges and pitch dark. It's so cold. What is this place? I hear laughter far away. Really far away. I try following the sound, the warmth. But my face meets glass. Icy, hard glass. Unbreakable. I want to cry but the tears don't come. I want to scream but my voice is lost. I collapse on the stone floor. Crumpled to nothing. 

"Babe, you know I really like you right? I want you to know, I'll always be there for you."

How does one change a habit? Your feeling is the only one I'm aware of. The feeling of 'you.' Even if you took me in your arms only to push me off the edge, I wouldn't flinch. The breaths would come and go. My heart would beat steadily, while I smiled and shut my eyes, only to embrace death. Because you gave it to me.

"Wow. I'm speechless. Your Grey Fairy-tale?"

Grey being the key word. So much laughter. Now there's only shrill silence. It hurts to listen for too long. Half real. Half unreal. It wasn't only after I'd inhaled. The smoke just enhanced our essence. I still don't know if it was real. Are you for real?

"So it's like this. We move in concentric circles. I was him in my relationship with J... J will be me in his next. What's it gonna be for us?"

We're equals. Tiny fragments of me have been left behind, please look, won't you? If you didn't roll me into one and smoke it already... Level 10. Level ' a new number.' How did we get here? How did I get here? I've lost me. I've found me. Help. It's too lonely here. Too cold. I can try and cry. As much, in my burrow, and get done too, complete a circle, get back to the starting point and nobody's lives would have changed. But will you know? Somehow? Shut forever. I lay shivering on the ground. Faintly aware of distant laughter, conversation and oblivious joy.

"I'm in love with this moment. I love you."
"I'm sorry..."

You never said it. And I stopped breathing.


I'm shining bright tonight.
The apple of everyones eye.
I don't want to escape the limelight.
They ask if I'm in love.
I say I never was.
I toy with the idea of lying a little more,
Enjoy the fake drama a little more.
They 'ooh' and 'aah' a little more,
and I find my way into their hearts.
The lights go out, it's 3 am.
Not a single star in the sky.
Me, a dull light. 
No audience. No admirers.
Just me and my thoughts.
The unimpressive ones.
Lost intimacy.
I miss you.
Selfish me would have wanted to hang onto every last straw.
But I'm in love. I had to set you free.
Fly back, won't you?
In and out of love every once in a while.
Permanence is a foreign concept.
Seeking, searching, striking off.
Next, please?