Monday, January 27, 2014


You always fail the most important people in your life. You let them down because the place you hold for them in your life gives them more than just a modicum of expectations. You perceive them to be in an outside ring of your daily life, in another realm than the monotonous encounters, glances exchanged with that person who caught your attention across the street, brainless banter during unending nights, that fail to imprint upon your memories, but end up casting a faint shadow on the comfort valve of your happy reservoir. They don't sit well with moderation, with being taken lightly. It's not ok to count them in the same breath as 'X person I met the other day and was so cool, you know, like had a really interesting vibe.' They're life-changers. They're permanent and permeable and get under your skin. They just land up some night in your life, brought to you by a shimmering sky reflected off a black sea with illusory boats composed of white waves, about to crash into you, crash into me. Their heart is golden, like the sand your feet sprinted across together. Their heartbeat just like the beats that boomed through every nerve of your body making you dance like every second of your existence depended on it. Their words, like music to your parched ears. Their souls connect to yours as if when each was formed, a little piece of it chipped away just at a point where they could merge and find each other, at the one part where they would intersect during the winding course of their craggy lives. You can't believe your luck when you find them. When all your life your experiences have been non-committal, plastic, where you get the expensive end of the bargain and have to fight to just keep afloat, after a life like that, the sincerity, honesty and undeserved respect you receive is an unreal kind of reality. It's so pure you're scared to touch it, lest you malign it with even your tarnished silhouette. These unnamed relationships don't put up well with anything short of intensity and extremity, but if you take it that far it starts behaving like quicksand before you can say goodbye. I met you with numbered days, but you've made this the most beautiful number I could have asked for and it's now my favourite. You make me see what a window with only floating lanterns and fireworks outside it looks like, without a trace of the smoke. You enable me to want all or nothing, to be content with me but even happier with you. You give me positive verbs and emotions and a story to tell and I hope I can mould the ending into a souvenir that reminds me of seashells, boundless joy, limitless laughter and summer rain on winter nights. I like the possibility of you even if I can't have you, one way or the other you're leaving me with such a good feeling that all I can do is thank you for it. Your energy is unprecedented and you generously direct its colour to the black and white of other people's lives. Unconditionally. I'm one of the lucky beneficiaries and the different shades to the horizon rendered by the dawn's, dusk's and midnight's is how beautiful your aura is, and I just want to shut my eyes, feel my hair blowing out with the wind and bask in the reflection of that light. Until next time. 

You're treating me like a treasure trove.
driving me crazy.