Thursday, November 5, 2009


I could see the fall, my fall. If I'd walked a little way up I'd face it. I was telling myself to stop. Scraping my feet against the ground, like a child living in denial, to the point where they started burning. 

That's when you stood right behind my back and stopped my futile attempts. You were calm. Like the sea after a storm. You gave me a slight push and a reassuring nod. Go ahead. I'm not going anywhere. Walk. The life in me is being drained. There's a lot more waiting for you. Then why do I feel so abandoned? 

You didn't give me an option. It felt like you were the catalyst. I blamed you. But a million emotions and a thousand feet later, I feel only gratitude. The firm hands, the only strength I've come to know, remain. The only constant. You are my oxygen. Not the the regular kind that I breathe everyday. But the limited kind that's in a mask. That saved me. 

Every time I felt my legs giving away, you'd pull me up. Be my anchor. You'd say everything I should've. You may have even wronged the one you shouldn't have. But that's probably what made you for me... YOU. Thank you.

So engrossed in you. Complicated. Uncomplicated. Your concern left me without it. There was so much to deal with. Should I, should I nots'. It made me forget. Like a sugar-coating over all the deep, dark chocolate. It shines enough to capture your attention. It's all I needed, I craved.

You don't give me the time to think. To miss. To hurt. But more than enough to love. 

You joke, it heals. You talk, it involves. You sulk, all smiles :)

You're the prelude, that makes my song beautiful. Captivating, authentic. They're all still whirling in the aftermath. They can't deal with it can they? :)

But let me be me. Not you. For I don't want to be standing at the edge again. I'm sick of refuting. I love you. I'm scared. :(

For now, I once again loop my arm through yours, for our walk through the woods. Swept with comfort.


  1. I am overwhelmed. Sometimes you guys over-rate what I do. Nonetheless, I'm glad it feels this way. For all it's worth, I love you too Apushanks. There's still left enough in the mask for a few more emergencies. And you'll always have enough to love :)

  2. I just read this again.
    God you've made me feel good!