Au Revoir, Beautiful

Dark, bloodshot eyes.

Ice cold mouth.

Stone pale features.

She's facing south.

Auburn hair flying back,

she sits down,

her voice cracks.

A single tear makes its way down her tinted cheek. 

Suddenly, she seems meek.

Not anymore a reflection,

no more the setting sun,

a mirage of perfection.

She stands up.

With each moment the shadows change.

Dancing illusions across her face.

Draped in white,

she's beautiful.

But then, is she really?

The tear now kisses her collarbone.

Meanders down the marble smooth skin.

Leaves a lovely stain on her chin.

Sharp enough to be intimidating.

The pebbles, her feet are now scathing.

The golden mist now pricks the nape of her neck.

Outwardly magnificent,

an internal wreck.

Afraid to overpower.

No longer wants to overbear.

No point of such beauty.

Beauty that can never compare.

One step back, one step forward.

He watches her from miles below.

Right on the edge.

The 'Goddess' ready to glide.

He turns around and walks off. 

It's Always a Dream

It's a dream.

One marred with black and white.

A diluted scream.

It's long. It's prolonged.

It doesn't last long enough though, to be muffled.

Feet.

They shuffled.

There are too many sounds,

a constant feeling that hounds.

It's the silence.

It's too loud.

Shrill enough for the subconscious to want to change the image.

Purples and oranges, shrouded by veils of grey, slowly turning gold.

The faceless faces smolder,

and combust into flames.

Sick of playing games.

It's the phase in the middle.

When you lose your stand.

Your surroundings are fickle.

Hands outstretched.

Like a blind man encircled by smoke.

No hope.

But some time is all it takes,

for the vision to unfold,

to develop a foothold.

Looking out through watery eyes.

It's crystal clear.

Little shame, no fear.

Bursting out of reality.

To think, that one found what they were looking for?

Mockery.

Wake up.

It was a dream.

Always is.

Rishi

I could see the fall, my fall. If I'd walked a little way up I'd face it. I was telling myself to stop. Scraping my feet against the ground, like a child living in denial, to the point where they started burning. 

That's when you stood right behind my back and stopped my futile attempts. You were calm. Like the sea after a storm. You gave me a slight push and a reassuring nod. Go ahead. I'm not going anywhere. Walk. The life in me is being drained. There's a lot more waiting for you. Then why do I feel so abandoned? 

You didn't give me an option. It felt like you were the catalyst. I blamed you. But a million emotions and a thousand feet later, I feel only gratitude. The firm hands, the only strength I've come to know, remain. The only constant. You are my oxygen. Not the the regular kind that I breathe everyday. But the limited kind that's in a mask. That saved me. 

Every time I felt my legs giving away, you'd pull me up. Be my anchor. You'd say everything I should've. You may have even wronged the one you shouldn't have. But that's probably what made you for me... YOU. Thank you.

So engrossed in you. Complicated. Uncomplicated. Your concern left me without it. There was so much to deal with. Should I, should I nots'. It made me forget. Like a sugar-coating over all the deep, dark chocolate. It shines enough to capture your attention. It's all I needed, I craved.

You don't give me the time to think. To miss. To hurt. But more than enough to love. 

You joke, it heals. You talk, it involves. You sulk, all smiles :)

You're the prelude, that makes my song beautiful. Captivating, authentic. They're all still whirling in the aftermath. They can't deal with it can they? :)

But let me be me. Not you. For I don't want to be standing at the edge again. I'm sick of refuting. I love you. I'm scared. :(

For now, I once again loop my arm through yours, for our walk through the woods. Swept with comfort.

Strawberry Minds

I've had my share of tooth fairies, elves and pixies. Where dreams were filled with clouds of cotton candy. My life was shaped into a fantasy. Unpolluted, uncomplicated, strawberry minds.

I often wish I didn't have so much to think about. Didn't have a constant reeling, whirring sound to deal with. 

I wish I could look up towards a cloudless sky without feeling as empty. 

I wish I could look down at the pocked, rigged mud on the ground without feeling as hurt or violated.

I wish I could look out at the vast waters of the blue-green sea without feeling its depth.

Without feeling the weight of all that I've been forced to contain in me.

I wish I could look at empty pages without feeling the need to fill them.

I want to go back to knowing 'not knowing.'

Strawberry mind.

I'm hoping someday I wont feel the need to be attached.

Will no longer be a link in the chain.

It's not right. There's too much pain.

I feel like a river that takes with it everything it finds on its banks. On the way.

So much so that I only remain to be a mix of people in my life.

I pick up a lot from them when they come.

I just can't let it go when they leave.

It stays on.

Becomes a part of me.

I flow in you. You flow in me.

Or so I would like to believe.

You're still complete. 

There are pieces of me still missing. I just need help to find them. Otherwise I'll just have to fill in new ones. 

It hurts.

Breathing patterns are different.

I despise change.

I thought I didn't.

I don't need to romanticize my heart beating. Neither the sound of the rain against my window. Nor somebody else's tears. But I do. I picture. I build. I create. I need to destroy.

Strawberry mind.

Detachment is something I covet.

Attachment and detachment.

They're two sides of the same coin.

Now you're here. Now you're not.

I need to flip over.

Somebody needs to toss.

I need a clean slate. Erase love. Wipe off hate.

Strawberry mind.

Innocent, untouched.

Not reading between the lines. Not seeing beyond.

Clear.

Unobtrusive.

Mind.

 

Home. Forbidden.

I was standing there,

on that rickety bridge.

I was standing there alone.

Waiting to go home.

It was dark and chilly,

that time when you'd left me.

People passing by would secretly laugh at me.

They thought I was silly.

I remembered you as a royal blue.

Depth with flair.

They laughed again,

called you a sky blue.

Shallow and pale.

Disenchanting.

They gave me a sad song to sing.

I don't quite know why,

I'd never wanted to say goodbye.

The cold stabs at me.

I gasp.

My tears don't stop,

I'm losing grasp.

I want to go back to the alley now forgotten,

to the paths less trodden.

To the narrow passage ways,

therein my destiny lays.

They tell me I deserve better.

But do I want to deserve better?

I'll always owe you.

Will always be a debtor.

What can I do from here?

I haven't budged.

The pain sears.

It's cold.

It's hot.

I'm numb.

Those dark waters under the bridge, I'm told, are forbidden.

I've been shackled too much.

'Forbidden' intrigues me.

It calls out to me.

It promises to set me free.

The blue-black picture engulfs me.

But then a pair of faint, yet piercing red eyes, lure me.

Hypnotized.

Will you come back?

Because then I wont leave the bridge.

I wont move.

But the eyes want me to stop asking that question.

They want me to bury you.

Far amongst the graves,

painted in colourless hues.

I hate them for taking you away.

They conspired and contrived.

For them life is a stage,

a big, ornate play.

They offered me a part,

I didn't accept.

So they went ahead and robbed me of you instead.

Bulls-eye.

A light flickers.

The eyes vanish.

I'm forced to stay where I was.

Again.

I'm attracting attention now.

Why don't you understand?

I can't keep standing for much longer.

But you're only getting stronger and stronger.

I see the eyes once more.

Followed by many more.

Looking to scalp me.

Scald me.

Torture me.

But what have I done wrong?

I only wanted to go home.

Love lost,

deep, biting frost.

They set me to fire.

Cold, cold fire. 

Flames.

Luminescent, moonlit night.

I didn't even put up a fight.

Fearless.

Emotionless.

It's like burning a corpse.

How brave is that.

Irony.

Melancholy.

Take a good look,

I'm your nightmare.

There are no rules anymore.

Now it's just debatable folklore.

I'm passing on the song,

it's now time for you to sing.

I'll be heading home.

Submerging myself in the 'dark waters.'

While you wait to be crowned king.

I don't care any longer to change my image in your head.

Vanity personified.

Immaturity?

Sleep with it.

You're contaminated anyway.

Enjoy the facade.

You and your "pack."

It's me who gets to go home.

From where I'll sit and laugh.

As I watch your worlds collide.

No malice.

It's time.

I'm facing the fall.

Phoenix feathers and vampire fangs.

Be prepared.

I'll bring down one and all...

Death Hunt

She smells you.
Devours it too.
Her claws reaching out.
You scream, you shout.
But that's when you look around and see.
Barren, empty land.
Stifling heat.

She's an image of what you wanted her to be.
Hollow eyes, hollow heart.
Pseudo peace.
Deceptive serenity.

But does she shine enough?
Oh.
So it's too much for you now.
She's closing in.
She'll find you soon enough.

Someone once said,
'be careful of what you wish for.'
You look up.
You missed the predator soar.

Tired and haggard.
Sweaty yet sly.
You look for a respite.
Hide, hide.
What a pity, what a sight!

She gets a sense of deja vu.
She smells you.
Then takes one last plunge.

Breathe in your last few moments.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale...

Dear Heartbreakers...

Dear Heartbreakers,

I thought you all should know exactly the way we feel after you, well, break our hearts. So I'm going to tell you, and I'll try being as honest and even nice while I do so, when all I should really do is yank your eyeballs out of their sockets.

Remember that first time you held her hand? It wasn't such a big deal was it? Obviously not. Because all you were thinking of was how you were going to make your next move. You want to know what she felt? Nothing in the world would probably give her the sheer joy, the bliss, of just sitting beside you, having her fingers locked in yours, melting with pure happiness. For all of you it was just a moment amongst many. For us, that one moment, could form a story...

Remember when you finally went down on your knees and said those magical words? Of course you do. That was the "move" that finally allowed you to do whatever the hell you wanted with her, or so you thought. You want to know what it signified for us? We thought, 'hey, he really loves me! He really wants to be with me... and nobody else!' You thought, 'yeah well, we'll see.'

Finally, do you remember when you sat her down and told her, "I don't think it's working out for us anymore, we both want different things," and she thought 'but you want me and I want you. What's so different about that?' Then you said, "I really like you, but I just don't want to hurt you," she thought, 'I'm half-dead already,' and your final blow, "let's please remain good friends?" What about her? You really want to know? She thought, 'I'd do anything you want me to. Even this.'

Then what? You "move on." You tell her to "move on." Don't you dare. Because it's really none of your business.

Wallowing in self-pity,

Yours truly.

P.S. F*** you.