Out of Africa.

Like the legend of the phoenix

All ends with beginnings

What keeps the planet spinning

The force from the beginning

Open my eyes to a beautifully scary mountain range, the sun too bright for it to be in the same place as last night.

The birds too loud for them not to be sharing my ecosystem. 

The baboons too visible for anything to be real and my breaths too short for me to be calm. 

I wake up to the cleft in your throat, that point right above your chest that gives me just enough of warmth, comfort in a spot and a hint of your smell that I get to keep. I wake up to half shut eyes of you, an arm wrapped firmly around the small of my back, a pair of lips close enough to claim any part of my face that decides first to twitch away and a leg loosely locking my feet ensuring no escape. Claiming ownership. And you've never met a better slave to that. 

I let you have me, all of me, God knows I haven't let anyone but 'him' do that in a long, long time. What is it about you that made me bend the rules? You're the only one I've met more exotic than me that still seems to think exoticness is more prevalent in me. You hail from so many parts that I crave for myself, you've led so many different lives that only I can relate to the charm of, you're nothing of him and you're so much of me and yet you're you. Unpredictable, unreadable, incomprehensible, immature, intelligent, beautiful, silent, attention-grabbing, a merger and a stand-alone. You're a contradiction and you're too tempting. You're a trophy and yet I want to show you off only to myself. You make me envy anyone who's ever been a part of you, so I snuggle up just a bit closer to gather more and more, to be the future cause of envy...

Moving from a bustling reminder of my city, to a quieter place more fit for finding oneself and experiences that fill your heart, to peaks undiscovered that aid in you finding something you never thought you'd have the chance to find, I found you. Somewhere along the way you appeared and already made yourself unforgettable. I will despise you if you turn out to be another disappointment but I don't think I could ever hate you because you've given me a memory very few are lucky enough to possess. You've given me a night under a billion splendid stars, thousands shooting down just dying to beat one another to make my wishes come true, in that very moment. I can almost still feel the fresh gasps under my nose when I popped my head out of our tiny tent in the middle of nowhere, somewhere in the Simien mountains of Ethiopia, and the vast nothingness that stretched ahead of me, you and above us. 

I can still feel the importance rendered to me in that country by everyone I met, by every little girl I interviewed who told me she 'wishes she could be like a boy,' by every child in that blind school that would braid my hair just by the feeling of it, touch my arm and without actually seeing me, tell me I was beautiful when all the beauty that emanated, was from them. By every thought I thought, by every word I wrote, by every scorching afternoon I bore, every farmland I walked across and every real friend I made. It was stunning, it was touching, and then there was you. Every evening I'd flutter to you like a wasp to an untouched flower, like a magnet to it's very own magnetic North. The smoke that we inhaled and then exhaled were so different from each other, separated not just by seconds, but by a sentence in a life-changing conversation. By a feeling in a string of emotions, like one note on a harp being played by angels, because that's how I felt sitting on that bench surrounded by people in complete darkness and in a twilight zone, intoxicated. Yet all I could sense, was you. I hope you could sense me too.

Do you know why I didn't want to come back? I wanted to give you some more time to redeem yourself. To be not just who you were, but to be my best friend. To know little corners of me, just like I've learnt little corners of you. To want to flaunt the little crevices of me that only you hold the key to, just like I couldn't contain prancing around with mine. But precious or semi-precious, sunrise or sunset, cliffs or plains, whiskey or weed, stars or bonfires, food or travel, loud music or eerie silences, camps or dodgy hotel rooms, Africa or Europe, I will remember you. 

Whether you choose to stay or let go, I will remember you...

My gorgeous romance novel. 

:)

We've come too far

To give up who we are

So let's raise the bar

And our cups to the stars

-Daft Punk

Disease.

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade 
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

What is this? 
At a time when I was supposed to have everything figured, all aspects covered, all bases cleared, all hidden nooks discovered, every nuance seared. I find myself here. 
Jeered at, mocked, rendered pointless and stopped.
Stopped from fulfilling what I came here for,
they reached inside me and extracted what I was hiding,
straight from the core. 
I didn't care for much anyway, 
but when I did, even you knew it wasn't child's play.
Yet you tracked me down
Yet you hunted me around town
Yet you traced my footprints from uncovered sand
Yet you found my hideaway in the throes of abandoned land. 
Did they clear you for heartbreak? And what about insensitivity?
And you're sure about sheer stupidity? 
Used me to your amusement while I was at your disposal,
refused every proposal,
diffused every carousel. 
Then while I stood amidst all the darkness with just some twinkling in the skies to guide me,
I never asked you to come find me.
Still you drew up a map and tracked that lighthouse I told you about,
the lone one standing where the world begins,
where you once heard me shout out,
that I knew of your daylight sins.
The night time isn't so bad,
because that's when the fables are told, 
and the mould actually holds. 
Now that I'm here again,
scathed, unwanted, brain-dead.
You're finding a way to do it all over again.
You're finding a way to stop the rain,
from washing off all I need it to,
all I'll bleed into. Until I'm reduced to pulp and fiction,
only then will you concede and stop the friction.
Only then,
when,
there's nothing left of me;
and all that's left,
is you.

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide
It's where my demons hide -Imagine Dragons

Don't Let Me Fall

"Underneath the moon, underneath the starsHere's a little heart for youUp above the world, up above it allHere's a hand to hold on to"
You've given me some warmth and I can now draw out my cloud-like blanket to wrap up all of you and all of me in one sweet gush of hot chocolate, snow settling inches away from our faces, happiness cloaked as silliness and a smile I don't even know has been at the corners of my mouth for a fortnight now and that's how long we've been in different seasons. But you're here, inside of me, this time making me laugh at you, cry for me and be patient for us. 
"But if I should break, if I should fall awayWhat am I to do?I need someone to take a little of the weightOr I'll fall through"
Maybe this is the flip side of the flip side. It was probably meant to be a trap and what started out as a joke on me is now no laughing matter. I've seen you. All of you. And you can't do anything about it but what's most disconcerting is how you don't seem to want to. Don't back off this time or I'll break. Don't back off this time or I'll self-resuscitate; break-crumble-last-breath-die-away-wither-sunset. Are you smiling? That's weird. I thought I was.
"You're just the one that I've been waiting forI'll give you all that I have to give and moreBut don't let me fall"
You're here for good. Wow. Say that again? Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn love. Did the Lumineers write that song about us? 
"Take a little time, walk a little lineGet the balance rightGive a little love, gimme just enoughSo that I can hang on tight"

Be my happy place. Be stationary in an ever rotating-revolving-roller-coastering snow globe of mine. My life, outside the door and inside, is the postcard of that secret garden and that hidden away sea where we extracted that sea pearl from that shell where we found one more thing than we lost and those lights twinkling behind me told me you were my makeshift dreamcatcher but that's when I figured that midnight city or not you'd shine like my daylight, glitter like my snow or twinkle like my personal dose of indigo neon stars. Sigh. Comfort in a cup. Mine. 

"We will be alright, I'll be by your sideI won't let you downBut I gotta know no matter how things goThat you will be alright"
Taking care of me taking care of you, admittedly falling into that zone you detested and savouring every refreshing drop of it. Calling me by my name after years of anonymity and oblivious, blind banter transforming into conscious, self-aware conversations that smell of musk because your breathing might just be my heartbeat. Heart. Beat. Box. 
"You'll be the one that I'll love forever moreI'll be here holding you high above it allBut don't let me fall"
Come now. Don't take too long. Look up, you might just see the Northern Lights. Don't wonder how they got there, I brought them to you because I wanted the muse, the inspiration transported to where we are and not the other way around, have something to say to the Universe that has a way of doing things exactly how I like them? Prepare for the holocaust because your question could just be answered. What have you got? Me? I'm yours. Not your usual take-what-you-get-psychopath-dramatic-bundle-of-explosive-energy, you've got me at christmas time. Happy-hearted. :)

-"Lenka."

Crystal Mornings.

Hello snow, happy snow, my first real snowfall. :)
If everyday was like this, there'd be little cause of any worry at all. Such a beautiful world we live in.

Happy new year gorgeous followers! 

The Life of an Unstable Kryptonite.

"The prettiest in crowd that you had ever seen
Ribbons in our hair and our eyes gleamed mean
A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens" Lana Del Ray

Are you alive?
Ok good, just checking. 
Last I checked I wasn't breathing and your heart wasn't beating. 
But we had a pulse. We always have a pulse. 
Am I far enough for you to see me now? Distance always meant two completely different things to us. I found out that for me it means castles, spirits, warmth within snowflakes and all things vintage. It means our own little puffy versions of grey clouds. Colours. So many colours that you can almost sense them pixellated. Accents you've never heard before, accents that are so exotic you're scared your hippie nature may not cope well with travelling to the exotic places they originated from. Snapshots from a polaroid. Fairy lights that make you jump. Travels that daunt you, mountains that haunt you. Seas that don't exist and seize, all that resists. 
Independence, not taken lightly.
You, just found a pit. And stupidly fell into it. Why now? Convention wouldn't call you stupid, but actions are now screaming at you. You let me slip away from your home, your neighbourhood, from your city, from your state, from your country, from your continent. And finally, from you. From you to the lure. To the temptation of being a muse, of being surefooted. From deep, dark desires to crimson desires bursting at the seams. Violent violets are making way for pristine peonies. A drug rush in a sweaty mosh-pit is so much more attractive than a neat tablecloth laid out for me that will eventually land itself in a controversial pile of smudged mascara, spilt red wine, loose strands of what was once an english rendition of a chignon and dapper heels. Oops. 
See that? I slipped away again. And you don't get any better at tightening your grip. Aha. Supposed to be a hold. Got you. 
I just watched the sun set. This morning I watched it rise. Weird that it does that, every single day. 
He may not be sitting and waiting with a guitar but he's technologically adept enough to have recorded versions of my life as a musical, ready and waiting for me by the time I return. 
Ugh. I think I may have a split personality disorder. If only I could dance like Beyonce. Oh, I try.

No, Really.

When was the last time it was 11:11 and you had nothing to wish for? 

When was the last time you were victorious and despondent at the same time? 

When was the last time something frightened you as much as it remained irresistible? 

When was the last time you could really live with yourself? 

And when was the last time somebody actually cared about you?

Because I'll tell you something, they probably didn't know who the hell you were.

You Don't Deserve A Name.

I don't want to be a pole vaulter. Never did. But to be told that I can't be one? I'm such a mess that I'm quoting Robin from How I Met Your Mother. Actually, some of these shows can really teach you some profound lessons. Pay a shrink, cram some books, and you may never get there. But download a hit American soap. And bam.

This is the first time I've regretted anything. Screw this shit. I'm leaving and I can't wait to board that flight. Next stop, London. I love London. It's going to help me discover myself. But you know what the best part about London is? You're not going to fucking be there.